


Don't fall down cause I need you to rise

by broken_fannibal



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Affection, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Merlin is a bundle of anxiety and needs to be protected, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Protective Arthur, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 04:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18771208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_fannibal/pseuds/broken_fannibal
Summary: Arthur saw Merlin looking at him with a strange melancholy in his expression. But he could never understand why. Merlin generally wasn't one to talk about his problems but even when Arthur asked he never managed to get a satisfying answer. Always diversions and excuses.This was written forMerlin Memory MonthDay 3 Path 3: Affection yearned/ Affection given





	Don't fall down cause I need you to rise

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the most self-indulgent things I´ve ever written.  
> I basically just wrote it for the scenes towards the end.
> 
> (title from Heal My Wounds by Poets of the Fall)

Merlin watched Arthur behind the screen from where he stood in the corner, waiting for Arthur to toss his padded tunic at him. And probably tell him some chore he needed to do next.

He watched Arthur's hands as they unclasped the cape, pulled at the strings of the tunic, pushed it open and folded it in half after he had shrugged it off. He came out from behind the screen, pushing his sleeves up.

Merlin's eyes fixated on the motion. Arthur's hands sliding up his arms to push the sleeves back.

He longed for those hands to touch him. An arm wrapped around his shoulders. A hand on his back. A brush of fingers ghosting along his arm. Anything.

But he wouldn't ever get it. No matter how much he longed for comfort after the ordeal of the last couple of weeks.

It was no use thinking about it. It wasn't possible. It wouldn't ever be. Because to Arthur he was just a servant.

 

Arthur saw Merlin looking at him with a strange melancholy in his expression. But he could never understand why. Merlin generally wasn't one to talk about his problems but even when Arthur asked he never managed to get a satisfying answer. Always diversions and excuses.

"I didn't sleep too well last night." or "I'm sorry for spacing out, Sire. I'll pay attention from now on."

 

There were dark circles under Arthur's eyes the next morning.

Merlin wondered why. Arthur never seemed to have problems sleeping. "Something on your mind?" he asked as he pulled back the curtains.

Arthur just put on his tunic. Now he looked at Merlin. "Why do you ask?"

"You looked like you haven't slept much."

Arthur groaned and rubbed his back before stretching.

Again Merlin couldn't help but look. A hand rubbed steady circles on Arthur's back. His own back ached for that touch. Steady and warm.

Now Arthur put on his boots and slowly walked over to the table.

Merlin clasped his hands in front of him and stood next to the table to await further instruction.

 

While eating Arthur thought about it again. Why would Merlin look at him like that? Was he in love? No, it couldn't be. He set his goblet down and sighed.

“Merlin sit down. Your fidgeting is driving me mad.”

“Al- Alright..” Hesitatingly Merlin sat down opposite to him, his hands under the table.

 

That night Arthur washed himself. While running the cloth over his arms, he watched Merlin through the mirror.

When he dried himself off, he massaged his arm and saw Merlin mimic the touch.

He looked up, his eyes met Merlin's in the mirror.

Merlin abruptly looked away, his hands dropping to his sides.

Even after that Merlin was... quieter, fidgety.

He expected Arthur to say something about it.

But truth was Arthur didn't know what to say.

 

He thought about it again as he lay in bed. He couldn't come up with any reason why Merlin would behave that way.

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

 

The next morning Merlin was still somewhat awkward. But Arthur didn't comment on it. Unless he knew what to say, why Merlin behaved like he did, he didn't know what to do.

 

He rode out with a handful of knights to check out some suspicious activity in a small village just outside the city. Their crops had died over the course of one week, all rotted.

Everyone suspected magic. That was what usually caused these kinds of things.

But then Lancelot found small bugs among the dead crops. They burned the field and all the rotten crops in the hope of destroying them.

Arthur assured the people he would send a few knights the next day with grain and seeds.

 

On their ride back home he got thinking again.

He wanted to find out why Merlin behaved that way. He briefly thought about asking Lancelot since he seemed to be good friends with Merlin. But then he dismissed the idea. He didn't even know how to ask.

So he started with what he knew. Merlin looked at him when he undressed. Nothing unusual. He simply needed to see when Arthur was done, so he could take the clothes or hand him new ones. It was the way he looked at him. And that he seemed to focus on the touch.

So Merlin longed for touch? Or was he sore? Surely he could ask Gaius about that. He was a physician after all.

So was it about him in particular? No, it couldn't be.

One time he had caught Merlin looking at him similar to the way Gwen looked at Lancelot. But could it be? He couldn't just... ask, could he? It would be weird.

Arthur took a deep breath and focused on the forest around him to distract himself.

 

At night when Arthur was back in his chambers, he waited for Merlin to get his nightshirt.

Just as he turned around, the shirt in hand, Arthur held out his arms. Gesturing for Merlin to help him put it on.

Merlin frowned for a short moment but then he shifted the shirt in his hands and pushed it over Arthur's arms and head. Arthur sat still while Merlin adjusted it. His touch was light the entire time.

Arthur focused his eyes on a point on Merlin's shoulder. He reached out and acted as if he was picking something off Merlin's shirt. Then he brushed over it.

Merlin stilled entirely. He looked at Arthur, a confused expression on his face. “What are you doing?” his voice was slightly unsteady.

“There was dust on your shirt,” Arthur said, trying to sound casual.

“Oh.” Merlin looked at his shoulder. “Thank you.”

He turned away and Arthur could have sworn there was a hint of blush at the tips of Merlin's ears.

So it had something to do with Arthur touching him.

How much more could he try before Merlin would see through him? He bit his lip in thought. Merlin wasn't that naive. But he wanted to know.

So he reached out brushed over Merlin's tunic right over his shoulder blade.

Again, Merlin twitched and stayed frozen in place until Arthur's hand was gone. He shoulders pulled up and Arthur could see Merlin's hands shake a little as he went to extinguish the other candles.

He stayed on the edge of his bed and watched Merlin.

“Is there anything else you need?” Merlin asked as he stood close to the door.

Arthur took a deep breath, debating if he should test his luck. The next morning he might not have the courage anymore. And when would be the next time an opportunity like this would present itself. “I want to ask you one thing.”

Merlin frowned minutely. “Alright.”

“Do you long to be touched?”

Merlin's eyebrows shot up and a blush spread on his cheeks. “I- what? What do you- what do you mean?”

In hindsight, he should have phrased that differently. So he hurried to explain. “You tense when I touch you, you look at me with a strange longing in your expression when I touch myself or other people.”

Merlin's head hung long. When he finally spoke, his voice was so quiet Arthur barely heard it. “What if I do?”

He was quiet for a while, choosing his next words carefully. “Come here.”

Merlin stiffened, he didn't look up, didn't say anything. But he slowly stepped closer and came to a stop in front of him.

Arthur regarded him. Then he reached out and touched Merlin's bare wrist.

He kept his eyes on Merlin's face, watching out for any change in expression, any sign he might be overstepping.

When Merlin didn't pull away, he slid a hand up his forearm, then to his shoulder. There he stopped, his heart was beating wildly in his chest.

Merlin stood completely still. As if he didn't dare to move. His expression was empty, his eyes were fixed on the floor.

Arthur knew it was a delicate situation. He really hoped he hadn't misjudged this.

Slowly he slid his hand higher, up Merlin's neck. He cupped his face in a hand and brushed his thumb over Merlin's cheek.

Merlin exhaled shakily, his eyes slipped shut and he leaned into the touch.

Arthur smiled. He got up and pulled Merlin into a hug.

At first, Merlin was completely still, then as Arthur began to caress his back, he trembled.

Merlin pressed his face against Arthur's shoulder, his hands tentatively came to rest at Arthur's waist.

Arthur pulled him even closer. Suddenly he felt wetness on his shoulder. He heard the muffled sobs.

Merlin was crying. Why was he crying? Had something bad happened? Was that why he had behaved so different lately?

“Merlin?” he whispered. “Is everything alright? Did something happen?”

Merlin shook his head against his shoulder, his hands clenched in the fabric of Arthur's shirt.

“Whatever it is you can tell me.”

Merlin took a shaking breath. He stayed quiet for a long time.

Just when Arthur thought, he wouldn't say anything after all, he spoke: “There has... been a lot lately. You almost died- twice. I- I thought I lost you. I can't lose you, Arthur. And... I-” his voice hitched and the rest of the sentence was lost in a sob.

Arthur kept caressing his back.

Merlin took deep breaths, his shoulders trembled. “The witchfinder...” His voice failed again.

Arthur could feel that there was more but for some reason, Merlin wouldn't tell him. So he just pulled him closer while he tried to come up with something to say.

“Do you need some time off?”

Merlin's grip tightened. He needed to stay with Arthur, he couldn't- he had to protect him. “I can't... you need me.”

Arthur frowned. “I only meant a few days, Merlin. I'm sure I can get dressed on my own.”

Merlin chuckled, his voice still hoarse.

Arthur gently pushed him back and looked at him, smiling softly. He cupped Merlin's face in a hand and wiped the tears away. “You've looked tired for a while now.”

The serious tone in Arthur's voice surprised him. He really cared.

Merlin swallowed around the lump in his throat. Arthur cared about him. He had seen that Merlin had been feeling bad. He had noticed. And he wanted to help.

He licked his dry lips. “I can't.” he finally said.

“Why not?”

“You need me. I need to stay by your side.” He hesitated for a moment before finally looking into Arthur's eyes.

There was the slightest frown on his face.

“Okay.” his voice was soft. “But... promise me you will sleep enough. And-” he took one of Merlin's hands, feeling how cold it was. “Try to stay warm. Wear a proper scarf, not this thing." He flicked Merlin's neckerchief. "And you should eat more. You look skinny.” He looked down at Merlin's belly, then he reached out and slid one hand over it. Not out of necessity. Just to touch him.

Merlin sucked in a small breath.

Arthur's warm hand was splayed over his belly. Now it slid to his waist, Arthur's thumb caressed his side.

Merlin could feel tears rise in his eyes again. He wasn't used to this genuine concern from Arthur. Or the affection, the gentle touch. He felt so open. So vulnerable.

Arthur probably felt the same. He had never done this before. He had always just mocked him or hid his vague compliments behind insults. He had never allowed himself to show affection like this.

And it was so clear that he meant it. He cared. He cared about Merlin. And even now when it wasn't necessary one of his hands still lingered, seeking contact.

His voice failed so he simply nodded. He licked his lips and swallowed. “I'll try,” he said finally.

“You should join me for breakfast and dinner. Bring more food for me and then we can share.”

He blinked. Arthur couldn't be serious. He couldn't share his food with a servant. Then again... Arthur was the king. He could afford to do something like this.

“Now before you leave...” Arthur pulled him close again.

Warmth bloomed in in Merlin's chest. He hid his face in the crook of Arthur's neck, his arms wrapped around Arthur's waist.

One of Arthur's hands slid into his hair and caressed his head. He shivered as the fingernails gently dragged over his scalp.

When Arthur let him go, Merlin's body tingled everywhere they had touched.

Arthur's expression was soft as he patted his neck. "Good night, Merlin."

Merlin smiled shyly. "Good night, Arthur."

A big grin lit up Arthur's face.

And Merlin realised that he hadn't felt this happy in a long time.

 

When Arthur lay in bed that night, he kept one pillow pressed against his chest. He hoped he had done the right thing.

But Merlin had seemed a lot better.

He wrapped his arms tighter around the pillow and buried his face in it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! If you liked it please consider leaving kudos/ comments! <3


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